Donate Now

Surviving the Trip Home with Your Newly Adopted Child

Traveling with kids can be fun, an adventure full of wonder, and, quite honestly, stressful. Traveling home with your newly adopted child can be all of those things as well. But that stress can be magnified by the many emotions that are running high and the newness of everything.

You are new to your child. Your child is new to you. Throw in new sights, sounds, smells, and experiences, and it’s easy for everyone who is along for the ride to feel completely overwhelmed. So how do you cope with the big feelings and new experiences you are all taking in?

Dig Deep

Whether you are adopting from a foreign country, traveling across the U.S., or you have checked into a hotel to wait for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) requirements to be finalized, you will have moments when you feel out of your element. Dig deep to summon all of your “I can survive this” grit and determination at some point in the experience. Whatever “surviving” means for you, find that “oomph” and milk it for all it’s worth.

Positive Mantras

Positive self-talk is a fantastic tool to summon up that resolve within. These helpful scripts can help you navigate new dynamics and difficult moments of an adoption trip. Use them when it feels like the poop is about to hit the fan. Repeat them when you feel as if you cannot walk one more step with this new (but adorable) bundle strapped to your chest (or your back, if that’s how you roll). If you are rocking the new little one to sleep in a less-than-5-star hotel for the 12th time tonight, sing them the following mantras in a tune you make up:

  • This is only (2 weeks) of our new life together. I can make it through these (2 weeks).
  • This is not the time to worry about forming bad habits. Or correcting the ones she already has.
  • I will not fret about attachment while I am in this “adoption trip bubble.” What happens here between us will not be the full picture of our life-long connection.
  • I will be flexible and patient. Flexible and patient. Flexible and patient.

Of course, feel free to make up your own mantras if these don’t exactly fit the bill. The point is: give yourself a script that you can use to reset your perspective quickly.

Entertaining and Educating

Here are a few tips for passing the time while you are in transit. You might feel like you are aiming at a target in the dark since you don’t know your child yet. It might feel even more intimidating if this is your first child. Take heart, our suggestions come from plenty of other parents who have had experience with entertaining their kids on long trips. Of course, these tips will vary by the age of your new child.

  • Snacks: Disposable pouches of little finger foods, particularly high protein snacks and the occasional sweet treat thrown in for good measure.
  • Drinks: Think juice boxes, pouches, and other disposable containers to minimize your need to rinse and refill which can get messy when traveling.
  • Lollipops: These are great especially if you are flying – for helping your child clear his ears – or if he experiences motion sickness.
  • Electronics: iPads, phones, tablets, and other electronic games are great distractions. Pre-load them with simple games that offer a variety of activities to whip out as a boredom buster. Download a couple of movies suitable for your new child’s age or even slightly younger given that this might be their first exposure to electronics. Try not to worry too much over “screen time” that your child logs on this trip.
  • Toys: Have a “travel bag” full of small manipulatives that haven’t yet been played with or seen. The “wow” factor of that new-ness will carry a while.

Toys That Travel Well

Here’s some helpful input from experienced parents specifically about travel-sized toys that “go the distance” (pun fully intended). Use the list to spark ideas for age-appropriate activities for your child. Remember that many times, the child you are adopting will be delayed to some degree and may need activities and toys geared for a younger age, while still traveling or packing well.

  • Play-doh™
  • Magna-doodle™
  • Stickers/Sticker books
  • Color-wonder™ coloring books/markers
  • Stacking cups
  • Colored pencils, sketch pads
  • Mad-Libs™, puzzle books, word searches
  • Board books/Lift the flap peek-a-boo books

Capitalize on the Captive Audience

Traveling together provides excellent opportunities for face-to-face connections and “learning each other,” unlike many other times you have had together thus far. Find some ways to maximize that. Stack cups together and make outrageous faces when they fall or when your little one topples them. Play peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake, Itsy Bitsy Spider. It might bore you to tears, but those simple face-to-face interactions build trust, language skills, and ultimately attachment.

There are many hand-motion rhymes and games available on the internet that you can learn before you travel if you are adopting a child who speaks another language. Doing so will give you common ground and another point of connection.

Remember that the goal of these interactions isn’t just to entertain your child while traveling; it’s also to begin the life-long journey of attachment.

Tell Me a Story

If language is not a barrier, tell short stories and if your child is old enough, take turns filling parts of the story too. Give lots of positive reinforcement for his attempts at new language skills where you can.  Reading together or reading to your new child is, of course, a tool that promotes great connection and builds attachment. Before you leave on the plane together, read a book or two about traveling. These two book titles offer an opportunity to expose your child to the ideas, sights, and sounds of travel that might be new or even alarming to her.

Remember – there is a LOT of “NEW” for your child: any preparedness you can offer her will build her trust in you.

A Word About Self-Care

Again, traveling under the best of circumstances can be a stressful venture. Add the complexity of a newly adopted child, a new country, special needs, birth parents, documentation requirements, and other parts of an adoption trip, and it might be easy to forget to take care of yourself.

Who is Your Village?

If you are traveling with a partner or a spouse, check in frequently to gauge how you are each faring. Give each other grace for the tough expressions of frustration, exhaustion, or self-doubt that might crop up. You are each other’s village for this trip.

For you who are traveling alone, consider having someone from your at-home village check in with you. These days, no matter where you travel, you can get support by phone, email, or text. Talk regularly to help you process what you are experiencing. Be candid about what you are learning and how it’s stretching you. Ask that person to set up some supportive care (like meals, laundry help, cleaning services, etc.) for your return home.

Traveling to adopt your new child is a fantastic opportunity to learn and grow. These tips can help you get the most out of the trip and not just survive it but enjoy it as the beautiful first steps in your new life together.

Our partners at Creating a Family have a radio show/podcast called Transitioning Home As a Newly Adoptive Family that is another good resource for what to expect in the early days and weeks of your new family dynamic.