Providing Healthy Male Role Models for Kids of Single Moms and Lesbian Couples

When conversing with any group of women who are either already parenting alone or are thinking about becoming a single mom, you will likely hear them talking about how to provide male role models for their children. Single mothers often acknowledge this need for their sons, but we know that it’s also very important for girls to have healthy, meaningful relationships with male role models as well. This is an issue that single moms (and lesbian couples as well) must face head on.

One of the keys to providing healthy role models for a child when one is a single mom or considering becoming one, is to be intentional. Intentionality in seeking out and providing opportunities for meaningful relationship for your child is easy to say, but it can be much harder to accomplish. Here are some specific suggestions of how to provide healthy male influences for children of single moms.

Tips for Providing Male Role Models for Kids of Single Moms

1. Consider moving nearer to your extended family so they can become part of your support network, and your male relatives can become role models. Specifically ask your dad, brother, or cousin to become more involved in your child’s life.

2. Make it a point to actively cultivate male platonic friends either in groups or individually. Seek adoption groups in your community where other parents would be of like mind on the need for healthy male role models.

3. Join a church and ask the minister if she/he can recommend an older couple whose children are grown, who might be willing to be surrogate grandparents to your child and who share an interest with your child, such as fishing, hiking, or reading. Aim for steady, if not frequent get togethers.

4. Ask for male teachers for you children throughout their elementary and middle school grades.

5. Take your children to a male pediatrician and dentist. (When they are young it doesn’t matter, but as a girl reaches puberty, she may prefer a female doctor.)

6. Ask you children’s friend’s dads to include your child in activity specific outings, such as ballgames, theater, etc.

7. Enroll your children in sports since many of the volunteer coaches are men within your community.

8. Boy Scouts can be a source of wonderful role models for our sons.

9. When your child is old, enough enroll him in an organization like the Big Brothers or Boys and Girls Clubs programs in your community.

10. Look to your child’s interests and try to find male mentors. For example, if your daughter is a budding photographer, find a photography club for both of you to join and seek out male photographers to work with you and your child.

11. Sexual predators do exist and you must be careful who spends time alone with your children. Search out organizations with strong policies against sexual abuse and background checks, such as Big Brothers, scouting, and most churches. Ask what practices are in place to prevent sexual abuse.

It’s particularly important to intentionally provide opportunities for healthy male role models if you are parenting a child through transracial adoption. This fact sheet from NACAC, Seven Tasks for Parents: Developing Positive Racial Identity, has some very helpful suggestions that overlap some of the above tips but are even more intentional in their scope.

While finding male role models is not easy, your kids deserve that intentionality.