Do I Have Post-Adoption Depression?

According to the adoption advocacy organization Rainbow Kids, post-adoption depression exists on a continuum of symptoms and severity. To gauge if you are experiencing Post-Adoption Depression, ask yourself if you are experiencing the following issues five out of seven days of the week for two or more weeks.[1] Some of those symptoms include, but are not limited to:

• Sleep pattern changes (sleeplessness or too much sleep)
• Changes in eating habits (increased or decreased appetite, overeating, skipping meals, etc.)
• Weight gain or weight loss beyond typical fluctuations
• Ongoing sadness, anxiety or insecurity
• Emotional changes or mood swings
• Guilt or shame over the adoption or the emotions you feel
• Mental confusion, difficulty in focusing
• Loss of self, loss of interest in regular activities or relationships
• Suicidal thoughts, fear of hurting yourself or your child

As you can see, the symptoms are quite similar to general depression and post-partum depression. However, keep in mind that these symptoms can show up in mom, dad, or the child. Unlike post-partum depression, post-adoption depression does not occur only in moms.

Where Do I Get Help for Post-Adoption Depression?

If you suspect that you are experiencing post-adoption depression, it’s essential to make an appointment with your primary care physician. Share with her what you have learned about post-adoption depression. Ask her for a recommendation for treatment or a referral to an adoption-competent therapist from whom you can seek counseling.

Counseling, as with “regular” depression, is often the foundation of healing and recovery from the many changes and emotional upheavals that are common to post-adoption depression. A big part of counseling is often learning how to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child, and then how to manage those expectations. Your new normal may not be what you thought it would be, but you can find joy and peace when you come to terms with what your new normal really is.

It’s also a good idea to reach out to your social worker or adoption agency to see what resources they have to support you while you heal. They quite often have lists of local-to-you therapists that can be a resource to your recovery.

Finally, consider joining a support group. Whether you find an on-line or in-person village that understands what you are going through, the important part is finding them! Sadly, the stigma around any kind of depression still lingers in our society. A post-adoption support group will help you remember that you are not alone and that there is no shame about what you are experiencing.

What Can I Do To Help Myself Through Post Adoption Depression?

In addition to seeking professional help to guide you through post-adoption depression, there are a couple practical things you can do to support yourself in the process.

Here are a few general suggestions for self-help[2] for post-adoption depression[3]:

• Eat a healthy and balanced diet.
• Exercise regularly, but find a physical activity that you enjoy (to avoid it becoming “one more thing” you have to do).
• Establish a regular bed and waking time.
• Create a stress-free, safe and comforting haven to maximize refreshing sleep.
• Try journaling what triggers you and what your expectations were/are. Write about what you can do to manage your expectations more realistically.
• Find a hobby or self-care activity that feeds your soul and gives you joy.
• Socialize with friends who will lift you up and give you support.

You Are Not Alone

Remember, what you are feeling and experiencing since the adoption of your child is not uncommon. You are grappling with the reality that your child – or your life with this child – is different from your dreams and expectations. And that’s okay. There is help available. You can find ways to embrace and enjoy your precious new family with the right support and tools.

For more information on post-adoption depression, consider the resources listed at the Child Welfare Information Gateway.

[1] Rainbow Kids Adoption and Child Welfare Advocacy, Adoption Stories, Alone No More: Recognizing Post-Adoption Depression, https://www.rainbowkids.com/adoption-stories/alone-no-more-recognizing-post-adoption-depression-2016, June 5, 2017

[2] Post-Partum Depression, Postpartum Depression in Adoptive Parents, https://www.postpartumdepression.org/postpartum-depression/adoption/, May 3, 2019

[3] Creating a Family, Post Adoption Depression: The Elusive “Happily Ever After,” https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/post-adoption-depression/. September 12, 2016