7 Warning Signs That An Expectant Mother Might Not Go Through with the Adoption Plan

Congratulations! You have matched with an expectant mother. Your agency (or attorney) is busy helping the expectant mom set up her side of the adoption plan, including contact with you and your partner/spouse and obtaining prenatal care. You are excited – understandably so – and committed to preparing well for your possible new addition.

In the back of your mind, you are likely also reminding yourself that sometimes expectant mothers change their minds about placement and instead decide to parent their babies. You know that, of course, it’s absolutely her right to do so. After all, it is one of the most significant decisions of her life, and there are many factors to consider for her and her unborn child.

Changing Her Mind is Not a Scam

Our partners at Creating a Family did a radio show in which they touched briefly upon the differences between an adoption scam and an expectant mother who might change her mind about placing her baby. One important thing to remember about those differences is that, as painful as the change of mind might be, it does not mean that the expectant mom is or was scamming you.

We understand that hopeful adoptive parents don’t want to be taken by surprise by an abrupt change in plans. Particularly when those plans center on finally seeing your adoption dream come true. What are the warning signs that an expectant mom might not choose to place her baby according to the tentative adoption plan?

1. There is a lack of – or drop-off in – communication between the expectant mother and the agency (or attorney), or between her and the hopeful adoptive parents.
2. Once the baby is born, she is unwilling to see, to hold, or to be with baby.
3. The expectant mother lies to the hopeful adoptive parents, the agency, or the attorney about accessing medical care or about her personal contact information (address, cell phone number, etc.).
4. She makes excuses for missed appointments with doctors or the agency or for contact times with hopeful adoptive parents.
5. She feels and responds to increased pressure from outside influences. Those pressures could be her family and friends or unexpected interactions during the hospital stay and could be different messages than her original intentions.
6. The expectant mother has not told her family about her pregnancy or her adoption plans – particularly her mother.
7. She has not informed her regular doctor about her pregnancy.

Try to remember that many of these warning signs are things the expectant mom might not be able to anticipate or understand until she experiences her pregnancy and the child’s birth. She may also not be able to predict the impact of that pregnancy on her current life, her future, or her family dynamics.

Remember that a match is not a placement or adoption. Be careful to know the risks, even while preparing for this potential addition to your family.