5 Tips for Coping With School Challenges

When you have a child who struggles in school, it can overshadow almost everything about your life together. After all, if he is having a hard time at school, he likely spends much of those 7 hours feeling frustrated and anxious. It’s no wonder that you and he are both melting down after just ten minutes of homework after school!

Supporting your child when he is struggling in school will require you to be a diligent advocate. You are the BEST person to do that, but it might take some research and self- education to find the right supports. We offer these essential tips to get you started.

1. Focus on Attachment, Not Education

If your child is newly adopted, the goal for your first year together should be to deepen the connection to your child. If this means that his education takes a second seat, then so be it. If your child has been home longer than a year or so and you feel that your child is relatively well-attached, your focus should still be on your parent-child relationship. He needs the assurance that you are in his corner, that you will not try to be his teacher when he is struggling.

2. Be Proactive

If your child has experienced trauma, it’s important to let his educational team know about his history. Many schools are starting to introduce trauma-informed principles but consider setting up a meeting to share with them what you have learned about things like trauma-informed discipline and how his history may impact how he learns.

This resource has been specially developed to share with schools to raise awareness of the needs of adopted children in school.

3. Request Testing

If you have reason to believe that your child has a learning difference, request in writing that your child be tested for learning disabilities. Don’t accept a response from the school that it is “too soon.” Even if they tell you that he is working up to his potential, insist on an evaluation. If you disagree with the school test results, consider having him tested privately. A good and often affordable option is to find out if a local university does educational testing as training for their graduate students.

4. Request an IEP

Once you have had a chance to digest test results and maybe even get some support for interpreting them, request in writing to meet with the educational team at your child’s school. (If they have done the testing, they might be the ones to initiate the meeting.)

Bring ideas for supports and accommodations that you believe will best suit your child’s needs. The supports must apply to the educational setting, so focus on ways to scaffold your child in the classroom. You can find information on how to start the IEP process at Understood.org.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

If your child has not had a strong start academically, has experienced trauma, or may have been exposed to alcohol or drugs prenatally, it is essential to have realistic expectations for his grades in school. It’s also important to be realistic about his attitude and social skills at school. You might find yourself reminding your child’s educational team of your expectations at every meeting – that’s okay. It’s also okay to tell them that they should also consider your child’s history when setting goals.

You cannot make your child love school. But you can advocate for him and set some supports in place with his academic team that will help him feel successful. These tips can help you manage your child’s school challenges.

For more resources on supporting your child in school, read School & Adoption: Navigating IEP’s, IDEA, and Special Services from our partners at North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC).